Crossroads

I took a walk around Lost Lake while Colin was mountain biking. It was a good time for me to have some quiet time and think about life within our family right now. We're at such a crossroads - the kids are all growing up - Lucas will be moving far away for college, and Micah to pursue his career. Cody is grown and has put down roots on the western side of the state, and Bongo is soon to be our only child left at home, in his last year of high school.

As long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom. It was a feeling that pulled and pulled at me. I imagined that it would be so simple, that we would love our children with all our hearts and that would be enough. I honestly never thought about the challenges that would come up, like they do for all families. I had never really been around babies ever before becoming a mom and it was all learning as I went. At one point when the youngest three were all toddlers and in diapers, I remember just trying to make it day to day, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Looking back, I wish I would have known to soak in those moments and hold on to it like nothing else because the time is fleeting and there's no going back.

Faced with our impending empty nest, there's a frequent flip flop of emotions inside of me, running between such hope and happiness for what's to come for our children AND THEN the ache of our children leaving and life being completely different, for all of us. And as they embark on their new chapters, Colin and I will be embarking on ours. Sometimes I think okay, where do I go from here?

What new interests will I explore? Will I consider a long held dream to pursue education in a field I've long dreamed of? What will become our new norm?

I understand my aches will come and go for a while as we all navigate these life changing times for our family, and the joy will too. I'm so thankful that the boys are finding their way. We've all worked so hard for it.

There is a voice inside of you

That whispers all day long,

"I feel that this is right for me,

I know that this is wrong."

No teacher, preacher, parent, friend

Or wise man can decide

What's right for you - just listen to

The voice that speaks inside.

~Shel Silverstein

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Between posts on my website, and all year long, I'm preparing for The Farm Chicks Vintage & Handmade Fair. You can read alI about it here. I also document my life on Instagram. You can follow along with me there.

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Comments

[Pam Fischbach]

You will have many days like this...change can be difficult...challenging...and un familiar ..... we all become used to what we know......empty nest is very hard. While I was going though this a good friend told me.... your children are who they are because of you....I don't know you personally but I have been through this....I can tell you that although it is hard to face. Grown children seem to no longer need you. They do . Just in different ways. They are spreading their wings and becoming themselves.......Because you taught them how. You gave then the courage to be able to stand on their own.....So I say to you....do what we did...We took a 49 day road trip across the country.. We enjoyed meeting new people and trying new things. The best part was we got to spend time with just us....Now in June we celebrated 40 years of marraige....We have 4 grandchildren with another on they way. Like I said I dont know you personally....I have been to your shows numerous times. So my wish for you is to not be so hard on your self..embrace the change. Be proud of your children able to make their own way.....You are still needed and always will be......sit back and enjoy the ride...Remember What will be will be......If I can help you through in any possible way...no judgement..just one mommy helping another mommy.....just let me know.

[Christina jorgensen]

My dearest Serena, I understand the feelings you are having. I too am in the same boat. I have enjoyed your posts, pictures, books and shows along the way. As the sweet lady above has said "enjoy and embrace the change". This is what I am trying to do as well. Congratulations on a job well done. The best is yet to come! Love and Farm Chicks

Christina 😘

[Serena]

Thanks, Pam. It's really nice to hear from other moms who have gone through this time. We are finding our peace in this time and do believe it is all a part of God's plan. We actually do have some adventurous plans in our future as well. I'm so thankful for all of the stages... some of them are just a little more challenging to adjust to. Much love, Serena

[Serena]

Thank you, Christina. For some reason, hearing from another mom who is going through the same thing is such a comfort. Congratulations to you as well. Much love, Serena

[Rebecca]

It seems so interesting to read other people's stories which explains my love of autobiographies from a very hound age . I think people's lives are fascinating and I am always glued in to the wonders of life . When reading this I was picturing a straight line we all start out with and then it curves and goes out but yours comes back to straight after the last kid leaves and mine is uncertain because I didn't have kids . I couldn't have them physically so my curves came different and still are curvy with no sign of straightening out :) as I approach 50 it seems it might straighten . So do people who have had kids tackle all the other stuff in there too or do you go through what I went through as a woman after ? Life is funny and I tweeting and exciting and scary but our journey is amazing to see. I will be watching you sister from afar and I'm learning that the beauty is in the not knowing , and the full circle moments or the ones that keep rolling are simply working at your pace in tune with where everyone is at . One of the most comforting lessons lately is from my big sister . She said , you have to meet everyone where they are at and it seems that when I do that there is more love and compassion and less expectations for your relationships in life . Lastly , my favorite quote I share a lot is "nothing ever goes away until it teaches you what you need to know" enjoy your walks with nature , it's only gonna get better ! Xo

[Dianne]

Serena, My husband and I raised 5 children in a blended family. When the year came, that they were All out of the house, I mourned their loss, (along with our Lab and cat). The house was so empty and quiet. I did not know what to do without the constant activity of sports, music, school, dinners, and chats with these kids. It took some time for me to find my own place. My husband had work and his own activities, and was somewhat happy that they had all found their way out of the house. They did, indeed, still need us and the years went by with them coming and going through a revolving door at our home. Now, for many years, they are spread out in 3 states, and getting us all together at one time, just doesn't happen. We have to visit them individually in their own homes. We are older and now have 7 grandchildren and one great grandchild. Yes, I want to see them All more often than I can. I spend Lots of time traveling to see them; especially the youngest grandchildren. I want them to know who their Nana is; and to share that love with them. We all grow, change and move forward. I so enjoyed the poem by Shel Silverstein. It speaks to me so clearly. Our souls will tell us what to do. God speed in your Journey. Dianne

[Amy]

Dear Serena,

For many years I have followed you on your blog and have enjoyed every minute of the journey you have so bravely shared. I, too, have 4 boys (18, 16, 14 and 12) and am always excited to see what they learn as they grow into the people God wants them to be. My oldest has graduated and is trying to find his place in the world but it is not so hard to imagine them eventually all being out on their own. God has a plan for us all, and I am sure He has very good plans for us all at every crossroad we face in life. I do not have the wisdom of more years or more parenting experience than you but you have so many wonderful qualities that you are going to be successful in whatever it is you decide to do. I hope that you will help up and coming empty nesters (like me) by sharing your experience so we can learn from it. Take good care in these changing times.

Your very truly,
Amy